...That Love awaits

Monday, August 13, 2007

it's so bloody ridiculous for me to worry about school, and in my state of blind panic it never really occurred to me how stupid and insignificant my worries are. sigh... i am so insecure i annoy myself sometimes, because i know i'm capable of confidence. just that it started waning and i can't quite put my finger on when, how, and why.

STOP PANICKING ABOUT SCHOOL TOMORROW KAI!

***

i have yet to activate the concession on my student ez-link card. me being the cavegirl that i am, was musing about how i keep getting charged adult rates during dinner when jie looked over with a withering look and said, 'you gotta PAY for the concession dumbass.' i officially hate public transport now. so on top of having to top up my card more regularly now, i have to fork out $52 a month to keep my concession alive. wtf. it's times like this i wish i had a car and could drive, but i guess i'm too late for it. and anyway, even if i could drive, i can't use the car anyway because mum's always using it to get around for tuition, so bugger.

i know mum and dad don't say it, but i'm pretty sure they're disappointed i didn't get a scholarship of any sorts. well i am too, not so much for the academic prestige and all, but so that it would make me feel a bit better of myself whenever i have to pay for something school-related. because everytime i remind mum to reimburse me for varsity expenses, i feel like i'm bleeding the family's finances. be it transport, books, course packs....blah blah blah... the word "leech" screams in my head, and then another word "vain" screams back. and i know, deep down inside, that if i had gotten a scholarship, it would be --quite honestly-- for the purpose of shutting my parents up and saying 'yeah ok. i've did it.'

i'm the daughter no parent should ever have.

~Love